This had to be the best Mother Day I’ve had in many, many, years.  I know, it’s far passed now and, sorry.  I’ve been busy.  What.. you think I have Nothing to do besides blog?  I tend to agree, nothing as fun or as distracting or as relaxing(most of the time) however, truly, I have other things to do that take me away from my keyboard.  Other fun things even… like visiting family and taking the girls out on long walks.

We had a blast on Mother’s day.  We went to the in-laws and had an awesome dinner.  The girls ran around and got all their energy out.  It was a lovely day with wonderful weather for being outside.  My in-laws are learning to deal with my neurotic behavior better too.  It is hopeful to see them accept me for who I am.  They may judge me; they may actually hate me, but they have finally learned to treat me with respect and dignity.  If only the rest of the world were as mature, including me, I think.

A few posts ago I mentioned that I missed going hiking.  I mentioned that I wanted to get back into it.  Well, I have been on two hikes now.  I am limited on how frequently I can go to the mountains (my favorite hiking place) but I have some really incredible trails that follow along a city canal.  The girls and I like to go out right after dinner when the sun is still up but just starting to hang lower in the sky; it’s not too hot or too bright out.  In our last adventure the girls were still a little reserved because they really haven’t been exposed to much “nature” or hiking for that matter.  I look forward to being able to take them to the mountains and let them experience real hiking.  I wasn’t too sure they would like it at first but they are such curious children, the idea appeals to them for right now.

Mother’s Day , on the surface, is, to most, about their mother, whomever that might be for them.  In my usual egocentric fashion I internalize it and inspect my motherhood.  This day for me has traditionally been about analyzing the kind of mother I am and the kind I want to be.  I reflect on the mothers who have mothered me and I accept from their examples what I think I need to strengthen my own abilities and actions.  Not that I plan it all that way, don’t think I think myself to be that organized, but I go through it nonetheless, every year.  Some years I have thought of myself and seen progress and good hard work achieved; other years I wept in defeat.  Such are the emotions of any mother’s heart, I think.  Afterall, no mother got a handbook, as the saying goes.

My thoughts this year include but are not limited to the following..

I would, could, should, never have been anything other than a mother in one way or another.

I have understood the depth of love because I am a mother and no other way do I think I could have fully understood it except by such ways as to be a mother.

Motherhood is not a job, it is a commitment of the heart for which there is no equivalent exchange in value.

I will be a mother for the rest of my life, no other person is mother to the children I have birthed.  Others may mother my children but I am the only mother they have.  This can be both a good thing or a bad thing depending on who you are and how you look at it…in other words, it’s all relative now isn’t it?

A small glimpse in the big bowl of thought soup for now…maybe more later I have some pictures to take first.

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This post is dedicated to the woman who is my mother.